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PROJECT: Black Box 2 gets 1st place love…

Posted by :bcjen On : January 24, 2012
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I’m completely sick of these 2 black boxes sitting on my table making me feel guilty that I don’t paint anything on them.  I can almost hear them mocking me:

BlackBox 1:  “Hey Loser, think you might wanna pick up one of those paint brushes and you know, PAINT me?”

BlackBox 2:  “Don’t call her a Loser, man.  She’s been busy.  See Jen? I got your back.  Remember me when it’s time to paint, ok?”

BB1:  “Yeah, remember the brown-noser sucking up to you.  It’s completely disgraceful what some boxes would do to get attention these days.”

BB2:  “I’m ignoring you!”

BB1:  ”Yeah I bet you are…hey tell your mom I said hi.”

BB2:  “What?  You don’t know my mom!”

BB1:  “Sure I do…she’s something else, that mom of yours.  A Ritz cracker box, right?  She’s hot…gives all new meaning to ‘Puttin’ on the Ritz’…”

BB2:  “DON’T TALK ABOUT MY MOM LIKE THAT YOU PIECE OF PULP!  I WILL GET YOU, I’LL THROW WATER ON YOU WHILE YOU SLEEP!  SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN BUDDY….YOUR WOODY BUTT IS MINE!…I’LL…I’LL…”

(Jen walks over and picks up BB2 and says, “Well you look like a nice box and you need to be painted.  That other box gives me the creeps.  Did you know that underneath that black paint he’s got pink and purple hearts?  Really icky girlie!“)

BB2:  (smugly looking over at BB1)  ”Well, well, well….who’s got ammunition now?  Eh, My Little Pony Box?”

BB1:  (hangs head in shame)

Yes, I know…I need serious psychological help.  That’s a given…

Here’s some progress pics of Box 2:

        

So yeah, when I penciled these designs on the box I thought they looked so cool.  Then I painted them and now I think, “Man, I got carried away.  One design on each side would have been sufficient, but no I had to go curly-q crazy.”

(sigh)

badlycrafted.com indeed

The worst part?  I don’t think it’s “done”. I think the top (first pic) needs some pink on it.  I have to give it a day or so to try to contain the impulse to go too crazy.

Another black box, mental block, artistic envy and Than’s old

Posted by :bcjen On : January 17, 2012
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So I painted another box black:

And still no clue as to what to put on either one.  Yes I want to put tons of things on them but I don’t want to go all amateur (my normal M.O.) and junk it up.  I want it to be pretty.  Or cool. Mostly cool.  There’s some kind of block in the way.  I’m fairly certain it’s this cold I’ve been rocking for a week now.  Moderately icky is the best way to describe how I feel.  Add in the syringomyelia crap and you have one grouchy, sickly Jen.  Oh, I forgot whiny…definitely whiny.

So anyway, I went over to www.deviantart.com and started browsing around, desperate for inspiration.  Then somehow I ran across this polymer clay artist who blew me away.  I want to be her when I grow up.  Her work is probably some of the best artistic ANYTHING I’ve ever seen. I’m all gushy and girlie about it.  Artist-crush, thy name is Jen.

Here’s some links to her stuff.  She doesn’t know me.  I’m secretly stalking her right now (and sending people her way because I think everyone needs to own her stuff).

Her Etsy shop:  http://www.etsy.com/shop/MandarinMoon?page=1&show_panel=true&order=date_desc

and her stuff on DeviantArt:  http://mandarinmoon.deviantart.com/gallery/

Yes, I border on “creepy” when I find new artists that I like.  But hey, if someone’s getting free advertising and making sales, I say, LET ME STALK! ;)

(ftr, I don’t really stalk, I’m just really good at promoting good art.)

In other news, I keep telling Than his 9th birthday is THIS coming Sunday.  It’s not.  It’s the following one.  January 29th.  I suck at calendar stuff and math.  Ok, and obviously all this crafting stuff, but that should go without saying at this point.

So Than is turning 9 and I am completely unprepared.  G keeps asking if Than is 18 yet and I keep wanting to swaddle him in baby blankets.  The kid is almost taller than I am and here I am trying to get him to sit on my lap and cuddle.  How in the world am I going to deal with my partner in crime growing up?  He’s such a great kid.

I hereby swear that when the time comes for him to grow up and move out, I won’t be falling to the ground, grabbing his leg and begging him to stay.  I won’t shout things like, “We’ll kick Daddy out and you can stay!”  (good thing G doesn’t read this site…lol) Than already plans to live in our basement.  Or attic.  Whichever we have when he’s older.  I tell him he can live with us til he gets married and then he has to move out.  There is no way I’m having my married kid living with me.  His wife and I would be arm wrestling nightly to see who gets to feed him. ;)  Not really.  I hope that eventually I’ll teach Than to be independent and productive.  He’s already edging towards that, despite how much I hinder the process.

It’ll all work out right in the end.

Did I mention that I forbid him to marry until he’s 40?  I will be nearing 80 by that point….

PROJECT: Attack of the Painted Wood Lizard

Posted by :bcjen On : January 13, 2012
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I thought that title might grab some attention for an otherwise boring post….

Did it work?  Did you just come here to read about a species called the “painted wood lizard”?  Alas, it was just a trick.  There’s no such thing.  As far as I know.

However there IS a picture of a painted wood lizard here.  2 pictures as a matter of fact:

 

I’d like to take credit for the color choices, but that was all Than.  Well except for the orange dots on top.  That was me.  I begged him to let me do that.  He graciously allowed it.  Thanks Than, you rock.

Later I’ll put a nice glaze on top so the paint doesn’t chip away.

With these segmented wood toys you have to be very, very careful not to gum up the segments or it doesn’t move like it should and that sucks the fun out of the toy.  Trust me…we have a snake and a dino that aren’t played with because of this problem.  That’s why it’s taken so long to paint this.  You paint one side and hang it so the segments on the wet side are wide open, then flip it and do same on the other side.  The glaze will be a bit more challenging as it’s thicker.  Wish me luck.

Notice the PWL is sitting on top of my formerly ugly jewelry box.  It photographs deep brown but it’s actually black.  My friend, Laura suggested red poppies on this.  I love that idea.  I may have to figure how to do that AND to incorporated that blue color on the lizard along with this luscious pink color I bought.  I have to think on this before I paint.    I may finish it before Than graduates.  We’ll see….

 

eta:  WTH?  Since when did I say things like, “I’ll use a nice glaze….”  and “…luscious pink…” ???  I’m going with an over abundance of medicine and watching one too many old lady shows (which I loathe).  I’m the Hong Kong action flick watching type.  I play World of Warcraft and Star Wars: The Old Republic for pete’s sake!  I DON’T SAY THINGS LIKE ‘ I’LL USE A NICE GLAZE!!!’”

Rambling on and a really ugly jewelry box

Posted by :bcjen On : January 12, 2012
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A friend blessed me with a gift card to Hobby Lobby today.  I did something for a group project she worked on (I don’t want to give details here ) and I was surprised by the gc.  I don’t do things for people expecting anything out of it so I am literally SHOCKED when stuff like this happens.  I almost don’t know what to do.  I get embarrassed.  I used to try to refuse the gifts but a wise person told me that was insulting and to just “shut it and take the gift.” LOL

So a gift card to Hobby Lobby is like winning the lottery to me.  It’s probably the absolute best thing you could get me.  When Than and I walk in the doors at HL (G refuses to go in there with me) I stop, put my hand to my ear and say, “Can you hear that?  I believe that’s the Heavenly Choir singing, “Welcome Home, Jen!” “  Than’s at the point where he just does that polite laugh thing you do when your Uncle Fred pulls a quarter from your ear.  You know, “Oh that’s so clever!  I’ve never seen/heard that before!”  At least Than doesn’t burst my bubble.  He just lets me ramble on.

Someone remind me to give that kid an allowance raise.

We went in and I, for once, didn’t need pencils, pens or sketch pads.  Christmas had been very, very good to me.  So I thought, “Hmmm…what do I want?  Besides the entire store, that is…”

I won’t drag you through my thought processes as it gets quite convoluted and sometimes scary.  Suffice it to say I walked out of HL with a veritable cornucopia of acrylic paints and new paintbrushes.  Than walked out with one of those wood slotted lizards:

http://www.orientaltrading.com/design-your-own-unfinished-wood-lizards-a2-48_5182-12-1.fltr?source=google&searchTerm=lizard+craft&ms=search&BP=8877&Ntt=lizard+craft&cm_mmc=google-_-OTC+Fiesta-_-Crafts+-+Lizard+-+General+-+fiesta+crafts-_-845db11f990b4c4d9526b89405ac7bdf

This is like what we bought but not exactly.  Plus I didn’t buy it from Oriental Trading and no way would I spend $10.00 on unfinished wood lizard/alligators.  They’d have to paint that bad boy for me and I still wouldn’t pay that much.  Cheapy McCheapskate, thy true name is Jen.

Like my professional link above?  I could win a Web Award for how awesome this website is put together.  Why it doesn’t look like crap, does it?  It looks like I have a clue as to what I’m doing…um…yeah…

Anyway,  besides painting the lizard this really cool turquoise color (will show in another post – it’s drying now and I don’t want to disturb it), I started painting a jewelry box I bought at Goodwill.  It is hideous.  It’s actually too girlie for me.  And that’s saying something.

 

I found it on the shelves at Goodwill hidden underneath something.  I think Goodwill was even too embarrassed to have this on the shelf.  It’s like Hello Kitty and Strawberry Shortcake decided to go into the jewelry box making business and came up with this.  Then it was so awful that they got in a fight, dissolved the business and threw this in the trash.  On Trash Day, the garbage man refused to put something this hideous inside of his garbage truck so he kicked it really hard and it flew across the street, into the open door of Goodwill and landed on a shelf.  The Store Mgr didn’t know where this hideous box came from but just in case his boss put it out there he slapped a $2.00 sticker on it and then buried it under some fake flowers.  He hoped against hope some far-sighted schlub would come along and buy this thinking it was actually pretty.

Hi, I’m Schlub and I’d like you to see the pretty box I bought.

Than was embarrassed that I was buying this.

So I made him carry it around the entire store for me.

Mom.of.the.Year.

Right now the box is on my table with 2 coats of black paint on it.  I’m probably going to regret not putting some sort of primer on it, but I’m impatient and this is badlycrafted.com.

I can’t wait to figure out what to paint on there.

I’m hoping it has nothing to do with pink and purple hearts.

UPDATE:  I couldn’t leave those ugly pictures in here without showing a progress picture.  That much ugly might scar younger readers of this blog.

Here’s where we are as of 11:41pm on 1/12/12:

  It will need another coat or 2 of black on the lid before I can go any further, but at least it’s not pink, purple and white.

Happy New Year!! Scout Camp, Toilet Paper Eating & the Macarena

Posted by :bcjen On : January 1, 2012
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Happy New Year people!  Out with the old, in with the new.

Wow, I hope G doesn’t adopt that attitude or I’m toast.

I’ve been busy these past few weeks what with Christmas and then (insert scary dramatic music) “Boy Scout Day Camp”.  Oy.  I went with Than for the first 2 days.  By Day 3 G had to take off work and take one for the home team.  400 screaming little boys going nuts.

Ok, so it was actually fun…for the boys…OK so it was ok for the parents too.  A lot of us commiserating, smiling patiently and then yelling, “No! Put that stick down!”  And I actually yelled the words, “THAN!  STOP EATING THE TOILET PAPER!”  He was “the sheep” in a relay game where he had to stand there as boys ran up to him and wrapped him in toilet paper.  When it would get in his face he’d chew it out of the way.  One of the moms asked me, “Did you just yell for him to stop eating toilet paper?”  “Yes, yes I did.”  So I looked and he was doing it again.  So I yelled it again.  He yelled back, “MOMMY I AM IN CHARACTER!”  Ohhhhh.  I looked over at the lady and said, “Oh, he’s in character.  Apparently sheep eat toilet paper.”  She moved away from me after that.

Than had two favorite parts of camp.  The first one was the magician they used at the end of the first day.  Jolly Roger.  He was hysterically funny.  I have NEVER heard Than laugh so much or so hard in his entire life.  It was awesome.  It was even better because right before the closing ceremony stuff we were at the archery range and Than was having a meltdown.  I was ready to just chuck it all in and head home for the day.  I asked the instructor what was happening during Closing and he said, “He’ll want to go – we have a magician”.  So we went.  And are glad we did.  Jolly Roger was great.  If you’re in the Phx Valley you can book him at www.comicmagician.com .  Tell him the Cub Scouts sent ya.

The 2nd favorite part for Than was that he got to dance the macarena.  Our house is officially a “Macarena Free Zone”.  I just don’t allow it.  I put up with many things, but the macarena is not one of them.  I allowed Barney watching when he was small.  Those days are over, thankfully.  I even allowed Teletubbies for a month.  But I put my foot down at the Macarena.  Day 2 of Music he was able to dance.  I yelled, “Live it up little boy as this is your one chance to dance the macarena!”  The other parents think I’m totally weird by this point.  I don’t care.  I AM weird.  I embrace that.

After music class it was all he could talk about.  Then when we got home and when G came home from work he had to demonstrate to Daddy.  G looked horrified as the macarena was danced.  By our son.  In our home.  I said, “He gets one free pass to show you what he did at camp today.”  We are now safely back to being a MFZ.

I could go on and on about scout camp but I need more caffeine to come up with clever stories.  Or stories that I think are clever.  Or just stories where I can use the word clever in a sentence.  Either way I am going to stop typing now.