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Than’s out to get me

Posted by :bcjen On : August 31, 2011
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Earlier this evening I came back to my room to watch tv (that wasn’t child friendly) and to sew another Angry Birds Pig .  Than comes waltzing in (he does this about a gazillion times during my “Mommy Time”…sometimes G comes with him just so they can annoy me) to tell me something “important”.  His first “important” thing was that parakeets are also called budgies.  We’d already talked about that 23423 times today.  I’m pretty sure he was counting on me forgetting that we’d addressed this subject.  He was just wanting to see what I was doing.

Geesh, the kid’s afraid I might actually “craft” without him around to supervise.

So ok he was spot on this time.  I had started cutting out some face parts for another A/B pig.

Than says, “Um, Mommy….what are you making?“  (he sounds really hesitant)

Me:  “I’m going to make another Angry Birds Pig, why?”

Than: “Well, I think I’d rather you buy the pigs instead of making them.”

Me:  “Why?”

Than: “Ummmm…well…I just thought it would be a good idea.”

Me:  “So are you trying to say you want a pig that’s not wonky?”

Than:  “You’re not mad are you?”

Me:  “Do I need to remind you that I named my website ‘badlycrafted’?  I know I’m not great at this stuff.  Of course I’m not mad, Than.  However, I am broke so…either you get felt wonky pigs I make or you have to wait a long time til I can buy these things.”

Than:  “That’s ok, Mommy, I can wait.”

Should I be offended?

This has been a banner day for Than putting his foot in his mouth.  Earlier we were at the grocery store and while standing in line he was staring at the two girls in front of us.  All of a sudden he turns to me and he THANwhispers (Than can’t whisper to save his life…a THANwhisper is normal tone of voice but with his hand up by his mouth), “Mommy, nose piercings are gross.  I hate them.  People shouldn’t get them because they look gross.”  The two girls in front turn around and glare at me.  AT ME.  What did I do?

Then I notice that both girls have their noses pierced.

Thanks Than…thanks alot.  I tell him (loudly), “Well, if you don’t like it, don’t get yours pierced.”

A few seconds later he pops off with this gem, “And Mommy, I am NEVER getting my ears pierced.  Guys with their ears pierced look yucky.”  With dread in my heart I turn around and yes…behind me….guy with grocery cart full of water and beer has his ears pierced.  Yet another glare in my direction.

I’m thinking I need to stay out of Safeway for a while…

The Ugly Truth: I’m telling you guys the truth, I really DO craft badly…

Posted by :bcjen On : August 29, 2011
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I posted last night’s post and linked it to FaceBook.

And then…and then…wait, I gotta pull myself together, I’m still laughing… I got a few messages from friends asking  me to make an Angry Bird Pig for their kids.  One even mentioned paying me.

Seriously, I love you guys, but my work is crap.  CRAP I TELL YOU.   Maybe, eventually (probably not, though) I might get better at this stuff.  But I’m 45 and have been doing this stuff since I was in my mid-20′s.  It’s not looking like it gets better. I’m blind as a bat (for detail work I need my reading glasses), my hands shake and I’m ambivalent about straight lines.

I think what I need to do is make a project and then just send it around to my friends.  Kind of like the “Flat Stanley” project.  Btw, I plan on doing a “Flat THANley” project.  Than and I are going to take a picture of him, cut it out like Flat Stanley, laminate it and then send it to friends around the world.  Gotta get moving on that….

Anyway, I should ship one of my projects like that just to show everyone that, seriously, my sewing projects are hack work.  I, in no way, am just trying to get compliments.  I’m completely honest here about the quality of my work.  I’m enthusiastic about crafting, not good at it.  I have fantastic ideas, but wonky execution.  I’m a dreamer who’s also a realist.  LOL

Eventually, I’d like to have people see my works here on BC and then make the same project, then email me a picture so I can put it up on the site.  I’m the “BadlyCrafted” picture, you guys can be the “BetterCrafted” pictures.  Of course if yours is worse than mine you’re joining me on the bad couch.  If I admit that I suck at this, then you have to, as well.  We all need the ability to laugh at ourselves.  The only exception to the laughing at ourselves is that I won’t make fun of a child’s work.  To me, if a kid makes it, it’s always going to be a BETTERcrafted idea.  That’s just the way I fly.

I think I’ll attempt another pig today.  Or tonight.  Than said I have to make a bunch for him.  I told him he needs to go get a job.

 

Project: Angry (birds) Pig. Yeah…I went there…

Posted by :bcjen On : August 28, 2011
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So between Than’s Angry Bird obsession and my pig drawing, the natural course of events suggests that eventually I’d get to making a pig out of felt.

And, I did.

And it’s badly crafted.

And, I don’t care.

And, Than loves it.

The hard part was trying to figure out how to make it round like a ball instead of flat.  I’m sure everyone who crafts figured out that little bit o’ magic from Day 1.  I’m not that kind of crafter.

However, I did find a really cool craft site where the lady makes cool things out of fleece.  The difference is she is a genius and I am not.  Plus, she can use her sewing machine like a master and I can’t even thread mine.  So it’s all still me, some felt and some badly hand-sewn projects.  Here is her blog (oh and she doesn’t know me, but her stuff is cool), so go check it out.  Good crafting deserves recognition.  Bad crafting deserves laughter…and Prismacolor pens.  No?  Maybe some day my blatant Prismacolor pen begging will get the manufacturer’s attention and they’ll send me that 158 piece case to “test”.  ROFL.  Shameless begging, thy name is JEN!

Back to the pig.

Let me stop here to remind you all that I don’t care that things aren’t perfect.  Well, I don’t care that much.  If I was drawing it as a picture I’d be more bothered, but sewing?  Heck I’m just happy that I can thread a needle and actually use my hands most days.

Glass

Half

Full

Ok, so here’s the pictures showing me trying to figure out how to make the ball shape by first starting out making “the golden egg” from Angry Birds.  My golden egg looks like  a lemon.  I figured out AFTER I finished that I had to flip the parts differently before I sewed.

 

And finally, one happy little munchkin with a badlycrafted pig: 

Far away=looks cool

Close up=well, let’s just not go there….

It’s Sunday night and I’ve already completed a craft for this week!  Woot!  I’m ahead of the game!  GO ME!

The only problem I have is that I have so many things I WANT to do, but I have to do Than’s homeschool planning this week so that we can start 3rd grade next week.  I’m excited about it because we’re gonna have lots of fun this year.  His science is going to be fun.  We’ll follow curriculum, but also will be doing experiments we find online.  We’ll share those here.

Also, OF COURSE, we’ll be doing some fun arts and craft projects that we’ll put up here, too.

EDITED TO ADD:

Ok, so for my friend Zoey, I thought I’d share a close up picture of the pig.  She said nice things on Facebook and I had to tell the truth that my stuff close up is gnarly.

Here’s the proof:

…and the pig madness continues…and worsens

Posted by :bcjen On : August 16, 2011
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I.CAN’T.STOP.

I need an intervention….STAT.

Ever meet a comic book author/artist?  Yeah, I fit in with that crowd.  I have a comic I’ve been working on for a while now.  Supposedly it’s for Than.  We’ll see who enjoys it more.  The comic has nothing to do with this pig, though a pig IS part of the story line.

Scary, eh?

Random drawings…a bird, a clown and “the pig”

Posted by :bcjen On : August 16, 2011
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And now we’ll take a break from my normal insanity and go into

(cue the theme music!)

HYPER JENSANITY!!!!!

I was bored last night.  I’d been working on a blue tropical bird for Than.  Which, of course, looks nothing like a tropical bird.  Here, see for yourself:

  I still have to do the multi color wings and the long colorful tail he’s requesting…This thing is

(cue the theme music!)

HYPER UGLY!!!!!

So I started doodling in one of my sketch pads.  A small one so I didn’t waste the big paper.

First I drew a clown.  It actually creeps me out:

And I then drew a pig.  Then I drew more pigs.  Then someone on tv mentioned “pigs in a blanket”.  I think I was on a cooking channel.

And so, the madness began….

         

And this, my friends, is proof positive that I shouldn’t never be allowed to let my mind wander.  At least with a pen and paper within reach.  You never know where it will go.

Say, is that a goat outside??????

Hmmm. I should have said, “Is that a Panda outside?”  They are much more fun than a goat….”