So, yeah…I suck, as in SUCK at drawing anime. I give it a shot every once in a while and it’s worse than “badly”crafted. It’s like someone gave a loaded paintbrush to one of those “smart” elephants and tries to tell you that the sloppy looking painted picture is something other than splashes of paint on a canvas.
Animal Handler: “Look! Harold the Wonder Elephant just painted the Mona Lisa!”
Me: “Dude, that looks like the elephant held the brush in it’s trunk while you moved the canvas in circles.”
AH: “No! I didn’t move it in circles!”
Me: “But you admit to moving the canvas as the elephant just stood there with a loaded paint brush in it’s trunk, right?”
AH: “Well, yeah, but hey how many elephants out in the bush can paint?”
Me: “How many elephants in the bush have had a loaded paintbrush handed to them?”
AH walks off grumbling about mouthy, smurf-lady who thinks she’s an art critic.
Um…where was I? Oh yeah…anime and me sucking at it. So, I’m under extreme stress right now with a bunch of crap going on. Mostly it’s my very beloved cousin was in a terrible motorcycle accident in Texas and I’m trying to get my crap together for Than-the-man and I to drive out there. Big Daddy can’t miss work so he can’t come. He’s ok with that as he’s not the biggest fan of the best state in the world. Psh! Who needs him? Ok, so I do…
Um, where was I again? Stop making me get off track people! Yeah, I’m talking to you red haired guy with the glasses. Stop making me get side-tracked. And you, lady in the pj’s…it’s fricking 3 in the afternoon where you are…get up, get a shower, brush your teeth and go outside and live a little. Spending all your time on the computer is not healthy. There’s a whole world out there to explore!
(sigh)…see? I’m so easily side tracked…remind me to tell you about the bank story….
Anyway, I can’t sleep. Overly-anxious about getting to Texas just to be there. I LOVE my cousin. She was my first hero. I LOVE HER. Have I mentioned how much I love her? So anyway I have this black box (it seems I paint all boxes black, eh?) and some really cool paint colors that I’ve picked up recently. I decided to paint each side a different color and once that dries I’m gonna FORCE myself to perfect my anime drawing so that I can draw anime faces on each side – or I’ll just draw Pokemon type creatures on it. Either way, I’m giving myself no way out of learning this stuff.
Here’s where I stand on the project as of now:
So there’s what all four colors are. I left extra black space on the top as that’s where the box fits. I haven’t measured off the sides of the box top yet so I can paint it like the sides with the thin black strip all the way around. It’s late and I don’t want to attempt it. I’m anxious, not insane. There’s a difference buddy…slight, but still a difference.
And now, for something completely different (thank you Monty Python!)
Than and I went to the bank today. For the 3rd time I’ve had to go in because they keep screwing up ordering our checks with the new address on it. First time I went in, I changed the address and the banker ordered the checks for me (we get free ones with our acct.). A week or so goes by, no new checks. So I stop off in the bank and talk to a 2nd banker and he looks up my stuff and sees the address change but the 1st banker didn’t order the checks. (sigh). Ok so HE makes sure of the new address and orders my checks. A week goes by. I go to the mailbox and find the new box of checks! YAY! Correct address on the outside of the box, but on the inside, the checks have the.old.address.
Really Wells Fargo? You guys just can’t hire people to push buttons correctly or what? So in the midst of all this very, very stressful time what with me getting a new disease (oh yeah, that’s Disease No. 4 for those keeping count), Shelly lying in ICU in Texas and me desperate to get there, I find that Wells Fargo bankers need lessons in how to push buttons correctly.
Today’s banker gets “Jen Who’s Had Enough And Is Completely Overwhelmed At This Point” (try fitting THAT on a business card!) She gets it all right and even calls the check printing company to make sure they are seeing the same info she’s showing in the bank system. Yep, it’s fixed.
Then I ask this banker, “Btw, where is Than’s Savings account money? It’s showing a zero balance and we haven’t touched that account in over a year and it had at least $15.00 in it“. She didn’t know. No one can tell me. I have their Research Dept figuring it out.
The banker chick then mentions this little gem to me: “Btw, why aren’t you on your husbands Savings account?”
Me: “I am.”
Banker: “No, no you’re not. And did you know that if anything happens to him you legally can’t touch the money? (it’s like $50.00)”
Me: “I am on that account.”
Banker: “No, it shows right here he opened the account in 2008.”
Me: (heavy sigh): “No, I opened both the checking and the savings in Texas in 1999 the year we got married.”
Banker: “We show you only opened a checking account.”
Me: “Someone’s smoking crack and I can guarantee you it’s not me.“ She’s acting all conspirator-like…as if G was sneaking around on me opening up savings accounts and putting $50.00 in there. So I call G at work and the 3 of us have this conversation that goes on and finally the Banker gets told by me and G that their dumb-ass bank made us switch our savings to a money market account in 2008 to avoid fees if we don’t keep a certain amount in the account. She’s still denying that I opened a savings acct in Texas in 1999.
By this point (after we’ve hung up with G) I’m at the “I can’t take anymore stress” point.
So I snap.
I don’t get mean. I get goofy. I just start laughing. Hysterically. Than’s sitting next to me, being a good boy the whole time this is all going on. But then he sees me start to lose it and he gets mad. At the banker. And at Wells Fargo. And my 9 year old son slams his hand down on her desk and GROWLS AT HER saying, “LOOK WHAT YOU GUYS DID! YOU BROKE MY MOM!” I am telling you right now – he REALLY DID THAT.
It made me laugh even harder. It was so freaking funny. I couldn’t stop laughing. He got all momma bear protective. He’s seen me take some pretty harsh hits lately with my health (esp. my health), this trip to Texas, etc., etc. and he just wants to wrap me in bubble wrap and not let anything else happen. Meanwhile I have a target painted on me and people keep lobbing things at me. I’m ok, though….God’s got my back. And front. But Than-the-man ain’t letting NOBODY mess with his mommy right now.
I had to make him apologize for freaking out the normal people. Sometimes when we walk through stores and we do our normal weird stuff (Than’s Interpretive Dance in grocery stores is hysterically funny), I say, “Than stop…you’re freaking out the normal people.” And we laugh our butts off. But I have to teach him right from wrong and he had to know that growling at the banker wasn’t right. She’s not the one who did it to me, it’s the bank as a whole. I try hard to teach him to “never shoot the messenger”.
The kid’s getting an allowance raise though.